my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
