hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
