if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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