Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
