How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
