Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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