you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Green mimosas i think yes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
