eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
