Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
