whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize