your thong is hanging out like whoa
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
