he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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