oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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