My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
