OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
