I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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