My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
