Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
