Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
