I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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