I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
