Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
