Pappa wants mamma naked
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
3 2 1 whiskey
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
