It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize