this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
