its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
