Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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