either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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