I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize