she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Terrible idea I love it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
