My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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