You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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