What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
