marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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