so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
