Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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