I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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