i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
