Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
