Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
