Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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