Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
40s are totally the cure
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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