i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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