what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
