Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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