I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
