its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
