i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
