she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
