It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
