His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
