i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
