I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
