the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
