i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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