she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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