She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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