nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
