The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
