apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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