the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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