you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
