You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
