is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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