Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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