in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
