Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize