why didn't you poke me back
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
why do cheetos always look like penises
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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