I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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