Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
